It’s the end of a personal tumultuous year, in which I changed hours at work, then resigned, started a new job and lost a family member. It was a year of huge learning curves, as I left a job after being there for 10 years to work in a new role in an entirely new library sector. Miss BG started school and it wasn’t an easy start for her, with my increased hours and her teacher being unwell at the start of the year, which resulted in a few behavioural issues. I also learned just how selfish and self-absorbed people in my life can be, which has resulted in a number of terse email exchanges, texts and phone silence.
When the proverbial shit hits the fan like this, I retreat. Sometimes it’s just physically into my bedroom, and other times it’s just being quiet, and lurking in the shadows. It’s not that I don’t want to talk, it’s just if I start talking, all the frustration and anger and sorrow will erupt and I won’t be able to hold it back. And I don’t like when that happens, as I upset people, and myself.
It hasn’t been all bad though.
I also saw my children grow up in so many ways, will celebrate Mr BG’s success at a pop festival in New York (fingers crossed his visa is approved), and have become more mindful in getting healthier and fitter through watching what I eat and being more active. I have also found my new job, while busy, is rewarding and I feel valued. My new colleagues, near and far are also quite nice too :).
I just wish my brain would switch off sometimes and I could sleep more easily, that kitchen and laundry fairies really existed and that I had enough leave to take off to cover school holidays. I don’t ask for much do I?